


Recovery

by bsgmars



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-21 12:12:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6051195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bsgmars/pseuds/bsgmars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"That’s just it, Kara. I didn’t want to make it back."</em>
</p>
<p><em>She</em> is supposed to be the frakked-up one in this little relationship, not Lee, not the by-the-book, stick-up-his-ass CAG. What was he thinking, leaving Kara Thrace, leaving <em>Starbuck</em>, as the most rational piece of their messed up puzzle? Obviously, he wasn’t.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Kara and Lee deal with the aftermath of the stealth ship incident, with Helo occasionally along for the ride. Angst, friendship, unrequited feelings, and, of course, Starbuck ending up in the brig at least once!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

She wonders if he knows that the business end of concern involves pummeling someone for their own good. Is she concerned? Yes. Does she want to pound his face into the deck until he starts being Lee again? _Hell_ , yes. _She_ is supposed to be the frakked-up one in this little relationship, not Lee, not the by-the-book, stick-up-his-ass CAG. What was he thinking, leaving Kara Thrace, leaving _Starbuck_ , as the most rational piece of their messed up puzzle? Obviously, he wasn't.

_That's just it, Kara. I didn't want to make it back._

His words would haunt her forever, regardless of the immediate outcome. With a few exceptions (Helo, the Old Man), no one who had survived the end of the worlds would believe how scared she was on a daily basis... scared of her past (and her present), scared that, wherever he was, Zak couldn't forgive her for loving him so much she'd killed him, petrified of letting her crewmates and fellow pilots know how un-Starbuck Kara really is. But hearing those words come out of Lee's mouth took her fear to a whole different level. It almost made her numb, made her want to run and hide, put her hands over her ears like a kid and pretend if she couldn't hear it, it wasn't really happening.

And now... now, it was making her angry. How dare he ever think of leaving her alone? Didn't he know, even though she never said it, that she needed him like she needed flying? Maybe... maybe more, although she tried not to think about that. A rational voice in her head asked how he could know these things, when she could barely admit them to herself, but Starbuck snarled back that he _just should_. Period.

She knew that she hadn't handled Lee's revelation well - she had practically fled, mumbling something about time making things better, and letting her know if he needed anything, but not sticking around long enough to hear his response, if there had been one. She had no idea how to handle the situation, and she knew it. Lee always knew what he wanted and how to get there, rarely wavering from the grueling path he set for himself. At this point he wasn't just off of the path; he had completely lost sight of himself, and didn't seem too interested in remedying the situation.

_Well_ , Kara thought, straightening from her slumped position against the corridor wall. _Better pull it together Thrace, it's time for some of that out-of-the-box thinking everyone thinks I'm so good at. Operation Cheer-Lee-the-Hell-Up has commenced._


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_Kara is up to something._ Lee could tell, from the unreadable glances she sent his way when she thought he wasn't looking, but he wasn't sure that he cared enough to find out what was going through that head of hers. It doesn't really matter that much - she would either clue him in, lose interest, or he just wouldn't be around to find out. He's not suicidal, exactly, but in the life-and-death situations they all regularly find themselves in, not making a choice is often tantamount to death, and Lee hasn't felt like making many choices lately. _Except for the one to let go of the hole in my flight suit_... but he shoves that thought away, not ready to consciously deal with the implications. _Later. I'll figure it out later._

Pushing back from the mess table, Lee tries to prepare himself for another day as CAG. _The only CAG_ , a sarcastic voice whispers. _"The worst CAG in the history of CAGs"_ , although he knew that Kara had just been joking around, and at the time he had laughed right along with her. He knew how to handle heavy responsibilities, he had done it all his life. Hell, he had been mother and father to Zach, well before he should have been worrying about anything other than making the school pyramid squad or impressing the pretty girl who sat behind him in Colonial History.

_Enough. The past is the past. And the future is... flight schedules. Endless CAPs. Trying to convince the only two people left in the worlds who actually knew him well that he was holding it all together._ He could probably fool his father, at least for the short-term, but he was under no illusions that his stoic demeanor was going to fly with Starbuck. _Frak._

To anyone who happened to glance at the CAG as he paced out of the mess hall, nothing would have seemed out of place. Captain Adama's face was calm, his step steady, his shoulders straight - everything an officer should be, plus the bit of extra steel in his spine that all of the survivors had acquired. From her usual corner table, Starbuck watched his exit with cool, assessing eyes. She saw both Captain Adama and Lee, and neither of them passed _her_ careful consideration. The CAG was crumbling under a set of impossible, no-end-in-sight responsibilities, and her friend was fading before her eyes.

_Alright, time to call in some favors._ Sauntering over to a nearby table, she flopped down into an empty seat and threw her feet into Karl Agathon's lap. "Helo, my favorite Raptor jockey, how are you doing on this _fine_ morning?"

Knowing better than to take her question at face value, Karl simply looked at his friend with a raised eyebrow, waiting for her to get to the point. Her feet dropped to the floor and she leaned closer to him, obviously wanting to keep this conversation between the two of them. _Although_ , he thought wryly, _It's not like anyone else wants to sit within ten feet of the "toaster-frakker."_ Kara was one of the few on Galactica who was still willing to associate with him, and he had actually heard her browbeating several pilots who had been bad-mouthing him. _Starbuck was sure out in full force for that_ , he smirked. Although he caught her speculative, slightly wary glances from time to time, she was willing to stand by his side, even though she had made it clear that she couldn't understand why he hadn't left Sharon on Caprica with the rest of the toasters.

"Right. I need a favor." Helo straightened as those words left her lips, knowing that it was never easy for Kara to ask for help. _This should be interesting._

"Sure, 'Buck, what's up? What does the almighty Top Gun of Galactica need from the toaster-loving Raptor pilot?" He kept his voice light, trying to make it easier for her to ask for whatever it was she needed, but he knew she caught the slightly bitter edge behind his words by the way her eyes flashed. Kara glared around, almost like she was daring someone to get on his case, or on hers for daring to still be his friend. Karl's heart lightened just a bit, knowing she was on his side. "Ok, seriously, what can I do for you?"

She sent him a knowing glance, and he realized again just how well she knew him. Hell, his entire thought process was probably written all over his face. "The CAG is in trouble," she stated flatly. "He's going to get himself or his pilots killed if no one snaps him out of it."

Helo eyed her, wondering if she knew that she was as much of an open book to him as he was to her. _Probably not, or she'd never talk to me again. Starbuck doesn't do well with vulnerability and neither does Kara._ Keeping his tone neutral, he nodded, indicating an awareness of the problem, and asked again, "What can I do for you, Kara?"

The crazy Starbuck grin suddenly filled her face, and Karl felt a flicker of alarm shoot down his spine. He knew that look, and the words that always followed it... "I have a plan." _Frak. Gonna get airlocked for sure._


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_Well, that could have been worse._ Lee paused outside of his father's hatch, taking a moment to readjust to the coolness of Galactica's corridors. Early morning was often the best time to meet with his father, before the daily grind began. They were, slowly, coming to terms with each other, but Lee couldn't always shake the stiff formality that came over him in his father's presence, and it had been even more difficult since his "accident." Kara seemed to have no trouble differentiating between her almost-father and the Admiral, but Lee wasn't so lucky.

He had run into Helo coming out of the Old Man's office as he was coming in, which was unusual. His father had looked both troubled and somewhat relieved as the three men greeted each other, before Helo continued down the corridor. _Odd, wonder what that was about? Maybe something to do with the Sharon model._ Once inside, the Admiral had been solicitous, asking how he was and seemingly reluctant to move past personal small talk and into business, but, as usual, there weren't enough hours in the day to indulge in more than a minute or two of father-son conversation. _Don't know if I could handle more than that right now, anyway. He doesn't need to worry about me, on top of leading humanity to its supposed salvation._

It was still early by the time Lee took his leave, Galactica's corridors unwontedly silent in the quiet moments just before shift change. Lee had always enjoyed the opportunity to wander the Battlestar without excessive interruption - and lately, the solitude helped him marshal the facade he would need to make it through another day onboard.

Apollo made sure to keep his face smooth and friendly, even though he had the corridors mostly to himself. Like it or not, he was important on this ship and in the fleet, and you never knew who was watching. His mind drifted back to his last CAP, with Kat as his wingman. She was talented, there was no doubt about it, but the girl simply didn't know when to shut up and just _fly_. He smirked slightly, remembering Starbuck's cutting remarks that started as soon as Kat hit the flight deck. She must have been listening in on the coms, and knew his moods well enough to realize that monosyllables and grunts generally meant that he wasn't interested in conversation. He briefly wondered if he could schedule Kara as his wingman sometime soon, but it was generally frowned upon for the CAG and his second-in-command to both be in the air at the same time, outside of a combat situation.

_Besides, Tigh would throw a fit. He and Starbuck are like oil and water, and the XO never had much use for me to begin with, even when I was a kid. Better to just leave well enough alone, and learn to deal with chatty nuggets. Anyway, I don't know if I'm ready to be trapped in a cockpit with her voice in my head. I just don't know what to say to her._

Lee felt somewhat guilty about the way their last conversation had taken place, with him making some dramatic announcement about not wanting to make it back to Galactica, and Kara, for once, at a loss for words and running away. _Par for the course. We aren't very good at communicating unless it involves flying._

Maybe that was why he kept thinking about flying CAP with her. What they couldn't say in words, they were more than capable of expressing in the air. He knew that, on the rare occasions they did fly together, the Observation Deck was often full of lookers-on, all trying to catch a glimpse of the Starbuck-and-Apollo acrobatics show. Starbuck wasn't always able to talk him into deviating from the set CAP patrol pattern, but when he did let himself go... there was nothing like it. He had even overheard that the Admiral had been present on several occasions, and he smiled to think of his father watching his two children fly circles (and more) around each other.

Feeling slightly more energetic with that thought to bolster him, Lee picked his head up and headed for the Ready Room, just as the corridors began filling in preparation for shift-change. Ducking into the hatch, Apollo strode to the podium and arranged his notes precisely, before looking around to see who already had their seats.

_Huh._ Starbuck was front and center, leaning back in her chair and smirking at him, ever-present aviators perched on the bridge of her nose. _She's_ never _on time. First Helo in for an early-morning meeting with the Admiral, and Starbuck just plain_ early _. Did I miss a memo that the day was starting 5 minutes early?_

Starbuck watched the puzzlement flit across Lee's face, before his mask slipped back into place and he began to take stock of the rest of the room. _Point one to me. Gotta keep him off-balance, if this is going to work._ She knew that Helo had completed his part of the mission, from the brief nod and wink she had received in the hallway, but the rest was up to her.

She hadn't actually spoken to Lee since the aborted conversation in the bunk room, figuring that until she knew exactly what to say, it was better to not say anything at all. They didn't have the best track record when it came to heart-to-heart chats, and this wasn't one she could afford to screw up. So, here she was, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and _on time_ , which was a minor miracle. _Keep it together, Thrace, gotta make it through the briefing._

More pilots were starting to filter in, and she turned around to grin at Helo as he slouched into his chair, getting his signature raised eyebrow in return. Kara rolled her eyes at her laconic friend and returned her gaze to Lee, who was fiddling with his notes behind the podium. _As if he doesn't know then forwards and backwards already_ , she thought, well aware of the amount of time the CAG spend preparing for each and every pilot's meeting. Glancing around, she had the sudden urge to stand up and inform her fellow pilots just how lucky they really were to have such a conscientious CAG. _Who am I kidding. Lee would hate that kind of attention, and it would_ ruin _my hard-ass reputation. Starbuck certainly doesn't concern herself with morale, except as a ploy at the triad tables._

She snorted softly, and in a moment of rare self-reflection, was willing to entertain the thought that she didn't always want to be Starbuck... maybe there was a little bit of room for Kara as well. Then again, she wasn't interested in showing that side of her to just anyone. She knew that Helo always saw straight through Starbuck, although she wasn't sure that he _knew_ that she knew. The Admiral got a glimpse of Kara every now and then, especially on the rare occasions that they talked about Zach. Lee... she couldn't ever tell. She was good at reading people, as evidenced by her continual winning streak in the rec room, and she could generally get a sense of Apollo's mood, but when it came to the two of them, to Kara and Lee, she just wasn't sure. _I would settle for a bit more Lee-and-Kara time, instead of Starbuck-and-Apollo. Don't really care what anyone else thinks, it would probably be good for both of us to let our masks drop for a while._

The sound of Lee's voice brought her out of her daze, and she sat up a bit straighter as he went over the flight rotations for the day. Nothing out of the ordinary was on the docket, and she prayed it stayed that way. She and Helo had struggled to find a shift in which neither they nor Lee were in the air, and she silently willed the gods to grant her this tiny sliver of calm.

As the briefing wound to a close, she saw Gaeta slip into the room out of the corner of her eye. Barely suppressing a nervous chuckle, she watched the Lieutenant pass Apollo a message, and held her breath as he scanned it quickly. _No one's eyes should be that blue._ Her heart skipped at the intensity of the thought, but she didn't let it break her concentration.

Lee reached the end of the memo, and felt his lips tighten slightly in annoyance. With a purely mental sigh, he returned the slip of paper to Lieutenant Gaeta. "Tell the Admiral that I'll take care of it." Gaeta nodded and left the room quickly, as Lee took a moment to catalog the pilots sitting in front of him. Of the six in the room, four were on CAP, Helo was their stand-by Raptor pilot, and Starbuck was pulling an extra maintenance shift. _So much for my own off-shift, should have known better._

"Those of you on CAP, dismissed. Helo, Starbuck, stay back for a moment." As the rest of the pilots shuffled out towards the hangar deck, Lee glanced at the two left seated. Helo was lounging in his chair, sucking on his omnipresent lollipop, and Starbuck was back to staring moodily into space, seemingly deep in thought. He smiled a little, knowing that she would never admit to trading her carefully-hoarded cigar stash to keep Helo in sugar, when she couldn't manage to win the candy in the rec room. _She doesn't care about many people, but when she gives her heart, she gives it wholly. I just wish I could figure out exactly where we stand. Friends? Almost-in-laws? Siblings?_

"It seems we have a special assignment." Lee spoke quickly, trying to break his own train of thought before it got him in trouble. "Helo, you are going to pilot Starbuck and myself to Colonial One. Starbuck, you and I need to figure out if it's possible to store a couple of Vipers in the hold, for emergency use."

It was a rather unusual assignment, but Lee noticed that neither Kara nor Helo looked terribly put out by the extra work involved. _They're probably just relieved to get off Galactica. From that perspective, this might not be so bad after all._

Helo's boots hit the deck as he stood, and Kara got to her feet with her usual catlike movements. She grinned at him, gesturing both men out before her. "After you, ladies."


End file.
